Monday, 22 December 2008

You've Vanished

I guess you have just been busy but You've kinda vanished!
I just got your voicemail took me dialling Voicemail instead of using visual voicemail cos I think it's having a blip. Nearly down to 1 and a half days till Christmas break.

I'm off from lunchtime on the 24th right through till the 5th (well the 5th is back at work day). I've booked some holiday as i need to use it up.

You could come down here that Friday afternoon and I'd still be about as I'd be off but I guess its up to you.

H :)

Sunday, 7 December 2008


I wrote this earlier on my blog but I wanted you to see as well. It's kinda addressed to another friends rather than you lol but it is addressed to you in a way - if that makes sense. 

Today I've been having a real rough day. I was ok this morning but then about lunchtime it just hit me and I felt so down and like everything was majorly wrong. So much so that when I got home I got into bed fully dressed and stayed there like an hour and a half - I just couldn't think of what to do.

I felt a bit better after that and got up and didn't my normal bits and pieces that I do on a Sunday. When I got back from 24/7 this evening this song just kept ringing round my brain.

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

These are the lyrics from Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. I always have liked this song since it came out and I never get fed up of hearing it. I love the bit

"Feel the rain on your skin, No one else can feel it for you, Only you can let it in"

I have a friend. I'm not going to say where I know him from or his name or stuff like that because then people who read this will know who I'm talking about but hopefully those kind of details will be vague enough that I can talk about it. So I have a friend, he's a bit older than me and for about 75% of the time I've known him he's had depression in varying degrees. I'm kinda writing this bit of the post to him. You know who you are! As the lyric goes only you can let it in, yeah I know that it seems like the big black cloud just keeps getting bigger and you can't find the way through but one day it could be tomorrow it could be next year (preferably the first but we'll pray for either as only God knows when he's going to go) that big black cloud is going to break and it's going to start raining and in the end the cloud will clear and the sunshine will come out again. I know I'm not exactly in the best place at the moment as I seem to be up and down like a rollercoaster but you are my friend and I will be here, whether it's reading emails that you send with how you are feeling or babysitting so you can have a break for an evening. I am here and I will help whichever and however I can.

I try not to let my friends down because they mean the world to me. You were there back in November when I needed my friends so now it's my turn to return it.

Thursday, 4 December 2008

Ok what is going on?!

I swear the cold weather has made some of the people in my office turn into really mean people! Monday there was a really bitchy comment aimed at me and earlier there was one as well (the one earlier didn't hurt as much thankfully but Monday's one really got me!)

Anyhoo work must b done :)

Sunday, 23 November 2008

Today we went to the Students and Twenties Super Scavenger Hunt as organised by the Buena Vista group at Woodside Church and a group from Brickhill Church.

It started at the bandstand in Bedford Park - which was okay but because it was so cold out we were frozen before we started!! We warmed back up again when we got to the car. We headed for town to get the bits we needed in town - I then nipped home to get the bits I could think of from there and then went back to get CJ and Ian.

We headed for Biddenham and then further afield to collect answers and things. We got to Harold and we had to go to the Country Park and we had to do a landscape painting - I ended up doing most of it as the boys had run off into the woods to find a stick (I was about to include the clue that we had but I caught my drink and then CJ shouted at me - what kind of person has cream carpets in a rental property). The boys came back and had taken it literally, the stick actually had to be broken into three pieces so that we could fit it in the car after all I drive is a Fiat Seicento and thats kinda small! I've managed an Ikea Bookcase in there but we ended up balancing it precariously through the car! (I thought I had an interesting photo of my car but I found this one on Bayernernst's Photostream on Flickr)

Anyhoo so I by the time finished my bit of the painting my fingers were so painful I actually though that they were going to drop off!! I didn't have a paintbrush when I started so I used my fingers which as good an idea it sounds it actually really made my fingers even colder. I went to the loo and washed my hands but I couldn't put my hands under the warm tap because it was way too hot! It felt like it was scolding my hands - I came up with a plan I dunked my hands under the cold tap then under the warm when it was too warm to bare I'd dunk them back under the cold tap so they'd cool off again.

Friday, 21 November 2008

That's What You Get

I'm at work at the moment and my manager has put some music on. So far we've had Pink and Christina Aguilera - maybe I should be scared we're now listening to Paramore!!! I'm not complaining cos I like Paramore!

Posted by email from GodsRock Angel's posterous

Thursday, 20 November 2008

A Random Meme

I stole this random Meme from Popping Bubbles


1. When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in then start the water? 
I start the water then get in because ours can be scolding hot or freezing cold - it's the only way to make sure its bearable.

2. Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottle? 
Sometimes but only like the first few times I use it then I just use it! I used to read them more when we had a bath tub but now we just have a shower.

3. Do you moan in the shower like the people on the Herbal Essences commercial? 
No! lol I sing or just over think what I have left to do that day.

4. My youth group have access to my blog so I have to vet some of these Meme's why are some people so rude? lol

5. Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings? 
Me and my bro used to have baths together when I was like 4 or 5 because it saved water!

6. Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower? 

7. Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot? 
Occasionally tends to be the shampoo or the shower gel!

8. How old do you look? 
today i look tired so probably 30! hehe i'm actually 22

9. How old do you act? 
At work 22 at home about 10 and hanging out with my friends kids it varies between 2 and 7 lol

10. What’s the last song you sang? 
Humans by the Killers I think it was on the radio earlier.

11. Have you recently become a member of anything? 
Erm yeah Posterous!

12. What are your plans for the weekend? 
Read and sleep and church I think

13. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed? 
Closed. Open is kinda freaky

14. What’s the sexiest thing about Condoleeza Rice? 

She's a politician - does that make her sexy in some geek-ish random way? I guess there are guys out there some where who think she's hot!

15. Does anything on your body itch right now? 

Nope don't think I itch. Have a little tummy ache but I'm ok other than that

16. Who’s the sexiest famous woman alive? 
Erm, I guess it depends on your type lol!

17. Who’s the sexiest famous man alive? 
I don't know. One of my friends thinks that David Tennant is like super lovely! And she also likes Johnny Depp!

18. Does every family have a crazy uncle? 
Erm I have a slightly loopy Aunt - she's loopy in a funny way. I did think my Uncle was about to throttle me or something when I split his coffee - if looks could kill I was dead!

19. Have you ever smuggled something through customs?

20. Does playing the guitar make a guy more attractive? 
My OH doesn't play guitar he plays violin! lol

21. Do you live in a city with a good sports team? 
Yeah! Bedford Blues Ruggers team!

22. Have you ever finished off the popcorn and ate the junk from the bottom of the bag?
Nope - I don't normally see the bottom of the popcorn as my OH eats it!

23. What about in a boat? 
What about what in a boat? I've been rowing in a boat and then fell in the river (well one leg up to my thigh!)

24. Have you ever dated a Goth? 
No dated a metal head and that was kinda enough for me!

25. Can you fix your own car? 
Erm well no. lol. I usually phone my Dad in a bit of a flap! Like I did earlier this week when I got a puncture (I couldn't get the bolts undone! I'm not that pathetic that I don't at least give it a little attempt!)

Posted by email from GodsRock Angel's posterous


Why am I struggling to focus?

I've done a couple of orders but no where near as many as I usually do. Has anyone got any suggestions for me?

I'm off to find myself some Spanish stuff for todays HSMSHS later on. Yesterday was Italian and it was really easy but todays is more of a challenge.

Posted by email from godsrockangel's posterous

Wednesday, 19 November 2008


I'm glad that you like it! (I think your Mum would like it to)

My Dad started his Tribute with this story about a rose and that made me go! I cried like 6 tears and pulled myself back together and then a bit towards the end it started me off again!!!

Mike and David ended up holding each others hand in the service cos Mike was in pieces I was sat between Chris and Nadia (Mike's long term girlfriend) and Nadia had tears streaming down her face as well. 

The service at the church was hard because we didn't know any of the songs (but in true me style i tried to make it up as i went along!). Our row (which was all family) followed the coffin and Grandad, Mum Dad and Richard out of the church - it was a bit cloudy and the weather looked like it could turn nasty. Dave and Joy C and Mrs Gibb came to the service at Putnoe which was good - just to know that they were giving up an hour of their time to be there was really nice. 

We had the service at the crematorium which was hard as well because I knew what was coming but it wasn't so bad as they pull a curtain round so I stared at the hymn book on the chair in front of me. 

CJ kept over analysing everything and it was really quite hard and I don't think he realised how much it was hurting. We came out the church and he was rather harsh towards me. On the way out of the church and onto Putnoe Lane the pallbearer walked in front of the hearse so that he could stop the traffic and let the convoy of cars through. When we got to the Crematorium he kept talking about the car park and what the building looks like and stuff like that and I just wanted to scream at him - I didn't want to be talking about what was happening I wanted to talk about the weather or Star Trek that we were watching last night - just anything that what was happening at the present (does that make sense at all?)

Anyhoo! The wake lunch thing went well minus me backing into Uncle S's coffee cup and knocking it down him - He got in a right one at me and didn't really accept my apology. Me Kirsty Rich Mum and Dad ended up hanging out in the hall way and on the stairs as there was a lack of space. CJ and David rabbeted on about computers and climbing for most of the afternoon. 

Later in the afternoon me, Auntie B, Mike, Nadia and Rich ended up stood in the kitchen talking about drunk experiences and going to the pub. Maybe we all fancied it or something! Auntie B lives about 6 doors from their village pub! 

Thursday, 13 November 2008

New Design

Hello my dear

So in the next few days I am going to start tweaking the blog so that I can find something pleasing to the eye thats shouts Hannahs!!!!!!! very loud! 

So when you spot something you like or dislike do tell me thank you 

H x

I've quit

No don't panic. I've not made some drastic decision to quit my job.

I've quit the youth work at church. Yes CJ is the main dude when it comes to youth work at our church but it does help if you're willing to be open to ideas, suggestions and most of all listen to your leaders

I've had major heart ache for the last week. Some mornings it takes me a lot of mental energy to put one foot in front of the other to remember what I'm doing and what I'm trying to achieve (which probably means I've made mistakes at work this week).

Next week is going to be mentally tough as well as it's the funeral on Wednesday. This weekend there is a retreat where we are going to the Scout Camp near Sandy. The young people are going to be sleeping on the floor of the hall (yes people in November!!!!)

Me and CJ live in a Victorian built house (converted into flats) and it's permantly cold (or at least rather cool!). I believe that it's that temperature which has been making me ill (we had the same problem at no 90 between the temperature and the penicillin that CJ was trying to grow)

So I am now free at the weekend for babysitting, putting up sheds and other flat pack furniture. I am however car less and my bike has no lights so you may need to be within walking distance or able to supply transport.

You are also not allowed to say you're sorry or to get over the pain and move on.

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

I have found my ideal shop!

They sell socks in packs of 3 single socks so that you have to wear odd socks!!!!! How exciting!!!! They actually sell pairs of odd socks!!!!! Thats soooooooooooooooo me!!!!! (I am freakishly excited about the whole thing!)

I will be back with a proper post later

Monday, 10 November 2008

So thats that

So you've been and gone as now it's Monday and I'm back at work. I am really struggling today to focus on anything for long enough to complete a proper task - I think I am having having the slack cut for me a little bit and given the flexibility to ease in and stuff like that.

Hows your day going? I will be back later!

Friday, 7 November 2008


You're here. I'm just waiting for you to park now. It's cold and I don't have my scarf or hat on. There's a space in front of me I know I could fit the Seicento in I'm just hoping you can for your car in the gap.


Put some colour into someone elses day... it's a good feeling!

Following Smithys AOK blog I thought I would kinda devise something...

Recently one of my closest friends has been hit quite hard with the sad loss of her Grandma. As we all know death is the umpleasent certainty of life itself... does that make sense? It brings back memories of when a close person to me died and the sense of loss i felt... the loss that he had gone away and the sense of being lost in myself and not knowing where to turn without the fear of burdening someone.

Anyway, I dont live near my friend anymore and if I did, I know (and hope she does) that I would be there for her to just sit and be quiet with, talk with, sing with, dance with, laugh, cry, and just exist with. Thats what friends are for! However, I dont want to JUST exist. I have a heart and I want to have positivity in it. I have had lots of times of negativity, worrying what people think of me, feeling like I am worthless and used, like treatment was not going to work and that i was an inconvenience and expense. I do have a purpose, we all do! We can find a purpose for ourselves. Lots of people have hurt, upset and anguish in their everyday lives. Just one smile in a day can take some of that hurt and upset away. A smile costs nothing and how good does it feel to turn that frown upside down? For me it is one of the best feelings because not only am i appreciating something, I am showing it without words. You can sit in silence and just be happy for company. Thats fine!

The AOK bit comes into this because, for example, my friend is obviously grieving the loss of her Grandma at the moment and a simple action of kindness could put just a speck of colour back into her day. Give her a smile when you see her, open a door, say thank you if she does something for you. Just think, this girl is like me. She has a heart and she needs warmth today!

I have tried it... it's good. I work part time in a village pub. I have done the job for 5 years after starting for a bit of extra money while at school. I never had the guts to quit after i graduated from uni so still doing that as well as the profession. I dont like the job at all and will be leaving soon (hopefully) but it's not hard to give a little time to the old man that tells the same story every week, stamped in my head because i've heard it so much. He's gone home happy because he's shared his story.

Taking my sister to work bugs me (especially if she is stressing about being late) but I know that she has got to work in the warmth and comfort of the car, we have had out "to work" chat and she has got there safe for a days work. The same goes for taking my Grandma to the hairdressers. I dont get a thank you for doing it and sometimes she is rude yet I would never leave her to go by herself and the odd time I might suprise her and take her for a cuppa tea - She is so grateful for that and that makes me feel so happy inside.

I dont do any of these for brownie points... I am too old to be a brownie! No, seriously, I do it because people need to have some happiness in their day. I need happiness in my day and by making someone smile I can smile too!

*I know that on here it is quite obvious who my friend is but she could be anyone near you, all over the world, Girl, Boy, young or old.

When you get that happy feeling after doing something good today, please give my friend and her family a thought.



P.S that is genuinely from the heart and I guess it may sound cheesey and a bit prom queen speechish but hey, i just wanted to share in the idea of AOK.x

Barack Obama - Santa Fe Art District

If you'd asked me over a year ago who Barack Obama was I'd have said I have no idea!

Now I can say he's the President-Elect - after inauguration he's going to be the most powerful man in the world!

I like this quote! It's like saying I can make the change but you've got to help me to get the ball rolling.

I like the idea that Danny Wallace had (well I'm sure someone else thought it up before him but he's the notable one I can remember) on a Friday find one thing you can do for someone else as a random act of Kindness or an AOK as CJ found on one of the Soul Survivor websites.

That AOK can be opening a door, helping your gran with the shopping, going to see a friends because you know that they need a hug,

If every person did a AOK for their neighbour how much better would life be?

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Hi speed post

My grandma is seriously poorly as may not see it through the night. I will blog later but nanowrimo and nanoblopo are on hold.

As are the hsmshs catch up.

-- Post From My iPhone

We're all grown up now

Laura has her moving day! How scary is that - we are all grown up now and have to sensible well rounded adults hehe.

From Saturday they are resurfacing our street so I'm not sure how good access is going to be - it might be better to park in Goldington Avenue or across the road in Pemberely Avenue or St Michaels/St Augustines and then walk back to the flat - I'm hoping we have access to our car park at the back but I'm not sure at the moment - Hopefully we'll have some more details by Friday.

Also Yesterday was a landmark day in case you hadn't seen the news Obama is in office - he won the election.

Monday, 3 November 2008


Ok depending on weather we could do photo shoot ness at Houghton House on Saturday or Sunday afternoon - it's only about 20-30 minutes away!!!!

What do you think?

Sunday, 2 November 2008

My Talk

So this should hopefully go as a scheduled post and post itself at 7pm ish which is about the time I should be taking the stage - so to say! 

I thought that as you (and the blogosphere) won't nessercarily be in the church tomorrow evening I would post it here and then post a link to the podcast (if it gets posted online! - if not hopefully I will come up with a back up plan!)

What is Body Art?

According to Wikipedia, Body Art is art made on, with or consisting of the human body. The most common forms of body art are tattoos and body piercings but other types include scarification, branding, stretching shaping, full body tattoo and body painting.

Body piercings are usually a hole punctured through the flesh for example through the earlobe or the Outer Helix (the top bit made of cartilage). As well as this you can also get various other parts of the human body pierced including tongue, nose, cheek, lip and others. It’s come down to the fact that if you can stretch a bit of skin far enough you can probably pierce it.

What are Tattoos?

A tattoo is a permanent marking made by inserting ink into the layers of skin. Tattooing has been practiced worldwide. When it comes to tattoos the first group of people that spring to might are Maori tribes from New Zealand. In Maori culture a tattoo is called Tā Moko and they were a sign of being of a higher rank. The tattoos are created by chiseling the pattern into the skin and then the ink was placed in the wound to create the pattern.

Tattoos and piercings then made it into popular culture and became more common from about the 1970’s when they were first associated with punks.

So heres where I do my CSI bit and get all technical medically piercing and tattoos are a really bad idea. Tattoo pigments alone contain various amounts of chemicals including aluminum, cadmium, calcium, copper, iron, phosphorus, silica, sulphur, titanium dioxide and barium sulphate.

This is kinda scary and enough to put anyone off as phosphorus is used in ferilizer and explosives, barium is used in X-rays to make sure your intestines are moving along correctly - it’s actually radioactive and sulphur is also used in insecticides and fungicides thats mould killer to you and me.

What are Piercings?

Piercings on the other hand involves the puncturing or cutting a part of the human body creating an opening in which jewelry may be worn. This can also be the start of stretching. Stretching is where a taper is inserted into the piercing hole and kept there while the hole is stretched. The “art” of stretching has it’s roots in tribal traditions in Amazonian tribes in South American and tribes in Africa. Whereas normal piercings are able to close up and heal over, stretching is more permanent and may never heal.

What Reasons do People Have Body Art?

I guess I could reel off 100 different reasons as to why people have body art but then again I’d be here till Christmas you’d all be well and truly bored.

So using the wonders of Facebook I messaged some of my friends from Uni. I made sure I asked people who had one or both when it came to piercings or tattoos. Quite alot of my friends had their ears pierced but I also found that quite a few had tattoos or other piercings.

Quite alot of the girls had their ears pierced in their teens. I had my done around the age of 12, out of my friends the average age was 10. One friend was as young as 6, her mum was 3 when she had her ears pierced.

I remember the disagreement with my parents I had about having my ears pierced. It was decided that I would be allowed to have my ears pierced at 16 - which to me seemed a long way off but I could wait three years. Anyway at the next family gathering both me and my mum noticed that my cousin who’s two years younger than me had had her ears pierced and I didn’t get why she was allowed them but I wasn’t.

I also looked at various medical journals and found that 1 in 10 adults have some form of body piercing that isn’t in the earlobe and that a quarter of them end up with complications with 1 in 100 cases ending up with hospital admission

What the Bible says......

When I was reading about the biblical view of piercings and tattoos, a lot of writers referred to it as a “disputable matters” or a “Romans 14 Issue” so I looked into it to find out what one of these was. An example to quickly explain where I’m coming from when I refer to a “Romans 14 Issue” is the subject of whether Christians should drink alcohol. Ephesians 5:18 says “Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life, instead let the Holy Spirit fill and control you”. So Paul is saying to the people of Ephesus in Turkey that getting drunk is really bad for you and so rather than drink alcohol you should be filled with the Holy Spirit and let it guide you which makes sense however Paul then says to Timothy in 1 Timothy 5:23 “Stop drinking only water and use a little wine because of your stomach, and your frequent illnesses.” So in a way Paul is saying it’s ok because the water is making you ill, but then he’s also saying be sensible in the amount you drink. The other thing you have to take into consideration is that Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at the Wedding in Cana. So it’s not all that bad it would seem.

So now we move on to Body Art, when I asked one of my Christian friends what she though about piercings and tattoos she pointed me straight to Leviticus 19:28 and through all the information I looked at this verse always appeared.

Before I read it to you let me give you the run up to this verse.

At this point in time, Moses has led the slaves out of Egypt and they’ve made it to Mount Sinai where Moses has been given the ten commandments - this all happens in Exodus. By the beginning of Leviticus, God feels that his people need more rules and guidance so the book of Leviticus is developed and it becomes like a handbook.

Leviticus 19:28 says “Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos. I am the Lord”

If we took this at face value, you could assume that God says no to all tattoos and piercings. So maybe rather than standing up here, I should be walking around collecting earrings. (At this point I'm going to step away from the lecturn and walk over to one of the girls with funky earrings and ask her for them)

Well actually no - you’re safe.

The best thing to do is to look at the context. God knew that the people who lived in Canaan (or the Promised Land where Moses was guiding the people) used tattoos and body piercings as part of their religions and the way that they worshipped their Gods.

God wanted his people to be different, he wanted them to be set apart for him. If they had joined in and tattoo-ed or pierced themselves they ran the risk of becoming part of the crowd - which God didn’t want them to do.

This is still a truth today. After all there are many things that can pull us away from being set apart from God.

We should ask ourselves: Are my actions going to be respecting Jesus and advancing the gospel or is it going to hinder others from coming to Christ?

My brother has this thing for violent and gorey films. He watches movies like Hostel and Saw and barely reacts to them - or finds it more funny that shocking whereas I prefer happy endings where everyone is happy and good triumphs over evil or the hero saves the day. When it comes to movies I watch I try to think if Jesus was in the cinema with me would he be ok with what I’m watching.

So when it comes to tattoos and piercings you have to think to yourself - If I get a tattoo is it glorifying God? Am I attracting attention to myself? Am I being Jesus to the people around me?

Alot of Christians say that tattoos are bad because of this verse in Leviticus but as I said earlier you need to look at in context, also I would suggest that you pray about it and really think about it as tattoos are permanent and that pattern that looks cool now might not look so good when you’re 70 and wrinkly. It costs nearly 3 times more to remove a tattoo than have one in the first place. I would also suggest that you talk to people, remember a tattoo somewhere visible like a hand or face, or lots of piercings could be the difference between getting that job and not getting it.

I have one last bit to finish off with. I read various blogs from across the world and one specifically is by a photographer called Sara. Recently I read about a post that she written about her tattoos. She has 8 tattoos all that have personal meaning like the names of her children and grandchildren but the one that I want to point out is this one on her forearm. This is what it looks like, to you and me it looks like 3 symbols, a cross, an anchor and a heart and this could mean anything but this is the story behind it in her words from her blog.

(I emailed Sara and asked her if she could put some words on an email that I could use as her explaining about her tattoos - so that I didn't get the wrong end of the idea)
I saw a magnet with Faith Hope and Love symbols, and the verse from 1 Corinthians 13:13 on it:
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I bought the magnet and took it to the tattoo guy I go to, Adam, and we worked out a design that looks almost exactly like the magnet, but it’s going vertical up my arm vs. horizontally. This was tattooed on October 1, 2007. It’s on the inside of my inner right arm. This was a big step for me. I’m now wearing a tattoo showing my love for God on my arm. My first tattoo that isn’t on my back. I guess if you want to put it out there for everyone to see, it should be something meaningful.

So I’m hoping that this had made sense to you all and if you have any questions, I will see what I can do in a way of answers.

What do you think?

Pastor Mow Mow helped me lots with getting my talk started - I was so unsure how to go about it - it's definitely different from things like that Dissertation talk we had to give. I think Mum is coming to listen and Dad might as well as proud parents hehe. Rich even gets a mention so I'd like it if he comes but I doubt he will.


Ok so fab news ness to start the evening: Ummma and Millie are here!!!!! Eeeeeeeee!!!! Muchos exciting!!!!!!!

Ummma looks fab. She's grown her hair and it's like a chocolatey brown colour with a bit of red and it's like a bob (think Catherine Zeta Jones in Chicago length)

Millie has had a growth spurt and can put her arms around my shoulders rather than round my waist. I got so excited I half squeezed the life out of Ummma lol.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, 31 October 2008

I'm kinda it!

I wasn’t tagged I stole this meme from Heather at Seams of Life

10 years ago I...
1. I was 2 months into Year 7
2. My best friend was Cat
3. I was in every music group apart from String Group
4. I had an interesting fringe and rather long wavy hair
5. I think I was about to get my braces!

5 things on today's to do list
1. Finish lunch (yup I had one sandwich at about 2ish and still trying to decide if I want the other hehe)
2. Finish work
3. Write this post
4. Help out at Chill @ The Church
5. Decide how people win The X Factor Game

5 snacks I enjoy
1. Caramel Snack A Jacks
2. White Chocolate
3. Aero Chocolate
4. Haribo
5. Pistachios

5 places I have lived
1. With my parents in Bedford
2. No 90
3. Flat 3
4. With my grandparents for a few days each summer when I was growing up
5. Various fields in various towns in various tents or caravans

5 jobs I've had
1. Cashier at a supermarket
2. Customer Service Assistant in a Builders Merchant
3. Waitress
4. Barmaid
5. PA/Housekeeper

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Amazingness in some people!

Hello smithy and bloggers that actually read this blog.

Today has been odd.

Parentage came back from lake district yesterday.

This morning i got up in good time, dressed etc. Came downstairs, looked after woof while mum took kewey2 to drs for check up - all ok.

They came home, we had breakfast, i took kewey2 to work, came home, did ironing, lunch, chilled, (mum n dad both fell asleep - all afternoon), i got bored, went on t'internet and (i dont exactly know what his code name on here is) tooth man (SM) came online on facebook, wrote a lovely message but as he did that i wrote hello in the chat feature... we chatted for ages before my wireless started to spazz! and then he went to the pictures... it was so lovely that he spent time to chat to me! I dont know how he would feel about it but i really needed to chat to someone and he gave his time to chat to me and that makes me smile! smile lots!

I also have chatted to your chef friend that shares the same surname. He wants a trip up here sometime apparently. That was before tooth man.

You have amazing friends smithy, you really do!

off for foodage now.

kewey out

Monday, 27 October 2008

Middle of Night Posting

Now I'm sure this isn't good and that I should be sleeping but I'm some how hoping that this post will help calm my brain long enough to sleep.

Blog people out there who may be Reading this (if you're in America. You have time before bed to read and comment!!!)

If you have kids (aka dinkies) how did you know it was right to start trying for dinkies? Or did dinkie one arrive in the scene and that started the ball rolling?

Me and CJ seem to spend ages skirting round the subject and when we do talk about it I end up in tears feeling rubbish and don't wanna to get out of bed the following morning in case some one asks me what is up.

So church peeps I am not back sliding if I'm not there in the morning it's because it's 2:34am I feel like rubbish and CJ is asleep next to me.

I get that stuff at church atm is uncertain but life is permanently uncertain!!

I am going to try going to sleep and hope that baby filled nightmares don't attack me.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, 26 October 2008

You have to watch this!

Pastor Mow Mow played this video at the end of his preach this morning and I nearly bawled my eyes out (luckily I was on the front row!!)

God was there this morning - there was definitely stuff being done this morning. 

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

The Boredom of Smithey

So I've been thinking while I was bored. Do you reckon there is an optimum way to blow your nose?

So like short sharp blows or one long prolonged blow?

See I am wierd - the wanderings of a Hannah-Mind.

What else have I been thinking about erm... I have a swap on Swap-Bot which is called 75 Questions. And I am 5 questions short at present - the letter is supposed to be mailed by tomorrow and I am running out of time.

I have two partners and I was going to direct you to their blogs but only one of them has a blog. Her nickname is PenguinBurger and her blog is here. Take a look cos it's interesting!

I have been blogging lots on my blog and been writing lots of bits and pieces.

I watched Nim's Island yesterday and I love it! I would really like it on DVD either for Christmas or my birthday is good. (If you go on my blog - there is the trailer for it!)

(And the phone rings again!)

I'm going to go and be productive now that I have tried to shake off my procrastination!

Monday, 20 October 2008


Our blog turned 1 on the 6th October!!!

It's 1 year and 14 days old!

Monday Monday

Can I go home now?

It's 5:02 and I ache. My knees and shins are sore and I don't get why :( I've been on like megadoses of Vitamin C for the last few days to try and boost my immune system to fight off my cold. I have a lovely cough.

I have been trying to work but have just had Mondai-ititis for most of the day which isn't good. I have done lots of orders since 3pm though so the guy in the warehouse probably needs a lie down!

Everyone is clearing off it would seem. Logistics Lady went at 4:30pm, followed by Auntie at 5pm and The Big UK Cheese is leaving now it would seem. We're all getting ready to go for 5:30pm, well me and HT are at least. DR is staying. (I need different nicknames for people at work that are a bit different and more encoded - any ideas?!?!)

My cousin David is getting baptised on the 7th December which is like super cool! I'm in charge of the video camera so I'm going to video the whole service if the Preacher-Dude (David's Girlfriend's Dad) will let me - which I think he will - you only get baptised once in your life so it's like a big day! Mum and Dad have already put it in their diary even though I think David didn't want them to come hehe - I think he wants it to be a little do rather than the whole family arriving but hello again with the one day in your life-ness! Even one of the guys at church who has met David only twice asked me for the time and place to be there!

I am being all healthy-fied and have been drinking lots of water - which is awesome as I have shed a little weight. But I have also lost some of that weight from being ill - don't worry not significant amounts but there is a difference thats for sure. I am trying to just eat at meal times rather than eating junk in between - today I failed because my tummy started rumbling at like 10am but I had an Alpen Cereal bar so I was at least a little healthy.

Friday, 17 October 2008

Kewey is a wuss!

You would have thought that after the past 2 or 3 years i would have got used to this whole stuff that include hospitals!

I was fine til about 5 today... Packing my bag hit me hard! I became scared! i dont want anyone here to know that i am scared because when i spoke to twinny today i was about to say i was scared but then clogged up... like if i said it i would cry!

i'm not really in pain, just feel rather uncomfortable... does that make sense? Imagine havin a tummy rumble as if hungry then place that just above your left hip and then between there and tummy button a dull ache with the rumble almost constantly... thats what i feel.

mummie k is really cool i think she senses my nervous/scaredness but hasnt asked. She told me that i can drive her to work in the morning before i go to see dr coz then i have to go and pick her up... (i think this was her being positive - which helps - however, i dont want to let her down if i have to go in)!

I have to look for positives... Have been thinking while at work (i thought it would take my mind off it but now i am home i could have done with tidyin my befroom and gettin some more washing done)!

The positives are:-

1. A jolly good sleep (aided by general anasthetic)
2. Somewhere warm! (hospitals are always hot)!
3. The chance that this infection will go away!
4. errrrrrrm i cant really think of a number four.

See i cant think of 5 positives but i guess 3 is better than none! there will be someone somewhere going through much worse and my 3 positives will be more than some peoples.

Right well i had better rest my head... early start to get mummie to work before i go to the drs.

Wish me luck peoples! Hopefully there will be an update soon.

Kewey out for now. God bless you all.xxxxxx

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Mum Does Know Best (or in my case My Boss)

So I was sent home from work today with my horrible cold. 

After chatting to you on MSN the second time I think. I went to the Supermarket and it was raining. Finding the Pharmacy in the supermarket near work is a pain in the butt anyway but it took me like three attempts just to remember where I was going and what for. 

I got capsules because I knew I'd OD or something if I had the liquid stuff. 

My Mum would tell me and my brother that if we were well enough to go out to play with our friends then we were well enough for school. When I was at middle school I hated school so used to try and skive lots. Upper School was a different story. I'd help loads with the school productions and stuff so that by the first night I'd more than likely have a sore throat or a cold - or it would hit be just after when I'd slowed down. 

So I knew that if I wanted to go to cell I needed to stay at work for the rest of the day. Well it got to lunchtime and having sat through a two hour meeting about personality types i really couldn't handle being at work anymore. 

It took me three attempts to remember why I was stood outside the pharmacy bit. 3 attempts!!!! Thats what my Grandma would be like (she had a stroke two years ago and had short term memory loss - which isn't as bad as it used to be but she does forget stuff)

I got back to work and because the americans were there everyone was having lunch together in the canteen (other than me because i'd just been out). I asked to speak to the manager in charge of my office explained that as much I really wanted to stay for the other bits of training I needed to go home because i feel really rough and needed to stop on work stuff and go home. 

He agreed and said thank you for staying this long, and that if I hadn't have asked he might have sent me home any way! (then he gave me a bar of chocolate to cheer me up! he's great, i've realised why we get on so well it's because our natural personality types are near enough exactly the same! HR Lady had put a picture up of this wheel thing and then where everyone was with their natural personality type.)

So now it's 10:12 and  I've slept like 4 hours this afternoon. I've watched The American President and My Big Fat Greek Wedding (with the commentary! because you can do that on DVD rather than video!) and now I am going to watch "Because I Said So". I might even sit here and write back to a Swap-Bot friend or start on a swap.

Now I am going to fill in a questionnaire for the lady at church - stick on the DVD, eat the rest of my Lemon Curd sandwiches and just sit here and chill.

P.S. I have two days left holiday wise I think between now and Christmas - these are your days I was planning to come up to hang out with if you were free. If that means people watching in the hospital then I will do that.

Mum knows best!

Hey people that like to dabble in this little world of the two hannahs.

I have been to the drs this mornin.... without an appointment! I rang to have a triage call with my doctor that saw me through all of my surgical worries. Told him what was goin on and he said i think i need to see you now.

I went and had to wait for him to put me between patients that had appointments. He's worried. Infection has almost certainly come back under the scar (the gap where my apendix used to live). He's given me a course of antibiotics and told me that this is something i will probably notice for the rest of my life. However, he thinks its gonna come open again if the antibiotics dont work in time and that would mean another stay in hospital :(

I wasnt going to go to the drs coz i didnt think it was that bad! just sore but mum said i HAD to at least speak to the dr... glad i did now! At least if the nastiness does happen again i will know why and be a bit more prepared.

I have to go back to the drs at 8am on friday. Fingers, legs, toes and anything else you can cross will be much appreciated.xx

Tuesday, 14 October 2008


About 20 minutes ago I went to the loo. (yeah ok not great for an opening line but listen to the rest)

There was a girl in the cubicle next to me and I could hear her crying. It tugged at me. I flushed the loo and headed for the sink then thought "What if she really needs someone at this moment in time". So I reverse and tap on the door "I know it's none of my business, but are you ok?". A choked up voice replies "Yeah I'll be ok". Now I know how many times I've said that rather than face it so I hover by the sinks and take extra time to wash my hands.

I hear the loo flush and to look less like I was hovering and more like I was actually washing my hands. She appears and I say to her, "I know it's a little wierd but a hug sometimes makes it a little better, would you like a hug?" and she says "Yes" so I give her a hug (in a true Hannah way!). She turns to me with more tears in her eyes and tells me that I'm really thoughtful and she really needed a hug.

I asked her "Was she having a bad day?" - vague enough that I'm not being notice but give opportunity to talk and she says "Yeah you could say that". I made some comment about chocolate also making problems seem smaller.

I think I rambled and faffed lol

So Toilet Girl (because I didn't ask your name and I should have!) should in some random coincidence you be reading this now that I've typed it. I'm Hannah and I work in the office next door to the canteen. If you wanna chat about your day or whatever had you in tears (I won't tell anyone), come grab me tomorrow at 12:30, come knock on the door and ask for me (I promise people in my office aren't scary) we can sit in the canteen and chat while I eat my lunch if thats ok or if you see me in the corridor we can sort another time.

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

She made my brother smile

Like a genuine smile rather than a forced pretend smile that my brother normally cracks.

I had to sit there and pretend that I wasn't eavesdropping. It was really cute though anyway.


-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, 4 October 2008


I think I have it!!

Not really serious just could be annoying for CJ.

It's the technical name for teeth grinding.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, 3 October 2008


Hello there.

So now it's the weekend and I glad! I'm in Cambridge Corn Exchange as I write this to you. I'm sorry about bad spellings. I managed to pop my blister on my thumb earlier at work so I actually need a plaster on it now.

Because Bex needs to be able to get out if LilW has any problems I am sat right up against the wall. I don't mind it but definately means that there is no dancing space.

I guess I am cutting myself out of conversation by playing on my phone but the only person I really talk to is sat three people away from me or five people away from me. I guess I do talk to the rest but I don't really know what to talk about other than the weather lol.

-- Post From My iPhone


So yesterday while CJ was in London he bought the new version of Monopoly and of course we had to play it.

I however suck at it so lost to him. I don't have the write tactics.

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, 2 October 2008

Of all the random things

I found the lyrics to teh Haka!

The 'Haka', as performed by the New Zealand 'All Blacks' rugby union players when they confront their opposition before kick-off. The Haka words and body movements are based on a Maori war chant, said to derive from the exploits of Maori Ngati Toa tribal chief Te Rauparaha who aparently hid in a hole and was rescued by a fellow with hairy legs. Until altered in 2005 the full All Blacks traditional Haka wording was (with loose English translation):

Ka mate, ka mate (It is death, it is death)
Ka ora, ka ora (It is life, it is life)
Tenei te tangata puhuruhuru (This is the hairy man)
Nana i tiki mai whakawhiti te ra (Who caused the sun to shine again for me)
Upane, upane (Up the ladder, up the ladder)
Upane kaupane (Up to the top)
Whiti te ra. (The sun shines.)

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

I am officially a man spazz!

OK, so in a nutshell i am a stoooooooooooooopid, pathetic spazzed out idiot when it comes to men!

To cut a long story short.... I met a guy (for the sake of blog he will be known as Fe) on my birthday night out in sheffield... it sounds a bit slushy and untrue but this is how it happened...

I was out with a friend and sitting (coz i cant really dance due to injuries)by the window. The place was packed! This guy came to take our photo and as he was preparing one this other guy (Fe) walked by and smiled at me! i told my friend that this "fit" guy had looked at me and she said, is it the guy still lookin.... it was! i thought he was lookin at the pretty types behind me!

I went up to the loo on my own (wouldnt normally but we wanted to keep the seats). He was upstairs on the balcony. Spoke a few words to me and it turned out he's from bedford!!!! where i used to live at uni! we went down to meet my friend so she wasnt on her own as she had already text me to ask if i had abandoned her! his friends joined too...

We chatted.... and chatted.... and chatted a bit more... in fact we chatted near enough all night! He spoilt me rotton with cocktails and champagne for my birthday (and not in an attempt to get me drunk)!

Anyway the following day i got asked out on a date the following monday. I took him up on the offer. We had a lovely day.... best date i've been on for ... like... ages! we got on so well and found out more about each other! and i got a proper drink of yorkshire tea... like when i was little visiting my nan!

We had messaged on fb and msngr a fair bit between the saturday night and the meeting on the monday morning... was all v lovely. monday night things sort of went quiet... and tuesday. by wednesday i was feelin quite poop! lots of things went round in my head and i got into spaghetti junction (phychologically and emotionally of course). i think my heart was trying to rule my head but it was being blocked by the mess... i dunno. so i text him and fb messaged him... i got a reply sayin sorry he was busy at work... this hadnt even gone into my head.

Anyway. we spoke tonight and i think i was a tad harsh. I asked him straight what was going on between us.... he said he really likes me. feels bad for making me feel confused and explained a lot to me.... i will not publish on here though as i cant type about another persons feelings really.

I am still a little unsure but we will see what happens and take things slow. we have both been out of long relationships for a long time so dont want to end up hurt.

Already i actually really really really like Fe. I dont want to exactly tell him because he's under a lot of different pressures at the moment and i dont want him to think he needs to make any decisions. If we end up an item i think he will make me a v happy young lady indeed...... i sound like a geek now i know but after sarge, no one has come close to making me feel positive about being in a relationship. Fe makes me smile a lot and he's so caring... such a cuddly person!

I dont want to muck this up and i just hope Fe realises how much i do like him and how much of an idiot i was and that he makes me happy again already.

Watch this space i guess... will keep you posted!

As for the rest of my birthday... the best pressie in the whole universe was having my girlies all together in one place again! nothing compares! My bestest friends are most definately the family i chose to have! I love them all dearly and they keep me sane *obviously until a man enters the game!*

Kewey out for now. Hug hugs peoples!

The Women

Me and Jeccy are off to see The Women. Review to follow.

I love this advert - it's for New Zealand! I want to go!!!

-- Post From My iPhone

Look what I've got!!!

I got back from lunch and there's a bag of malteasers on my desk! I don't know who to say thank you to.

-- Post From My iPhone

Decision made

On Monday I bought some fab new shoes unfortunately they are too tight :( they were fine in the shop but when I wore them for longer my toes began to get sqished in the ends particularly my little toe on my left foot.

So I'm doing that this evening then me and Jeccy are going to the cinema to see the Women.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, 29 September 2008


Ok so being radical and buying high heels isn't the thing to do because it's "out of character" and I can't be grown up and girlie for once.

I did it!

I bought a pair of high heels!!!

I took a photo of an amazing pair of shoes with my camera. They were navy with pink spots. I really liked them. My concern is though now I am wearing them at my Mums is that the left one is kinda squeezing my little toe now it might be the socks I am wearing so I'm not freaking out just yet.

I'm sat at Mums watching "Who Do You Think You Are?" This week it's Laurence Llewllyn-Bowen.

How are you doing? I will be back to post more later I think.

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, 25 September 2008

My First Proper new spangly Podcast thing

What do you think? I am going to work on number two soon hehe just need to think of things to talk about rather than just random rubbish!

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

I suck today

So I have this friend, and she's seriously cool - I'd give up everything possible to be at her birthday celebrations next week end.

She wants to go clubbing in sheffield - which ain't my cuppa but its her birthday so I can get over it for her because I KNOW that what ever I picked (within reason) she'd be there at my side doing it.

Except I suck, I used to be super organised.

I knew when every lecture was and where it was.

I knew the timetable back to front and probably upside down.

If we were lost I knew the way out of the mess.

I can regurgitate useless information till I am blue in the face.

I can tell you lots of info

Except one of the first dates I write in my diary and I still manage to screw up.

So this is the story, this friend is having her birthday on the 27th September - the same day every year for the last 24 years you'd think i'd remember that even though i've only know her for 4 of those.

She's amazing and so understanding about everything but I am a total spazz.

We kinda made semi plans - they weren't in concrete yet but i got all confused on dates and said yes to singing in a band gig thingy at a church in Cardington.

That wasn't a problem I was going to travel up on the Saturday morning spend the day and then travel back for the concert it wasnt a problem.

Then yesterday CJ gives me this opportunity and I say yes - after all I'm going up and coming back on Saturday so it shouldn't be a problem.

CJ wants me to play camera-girlie and do some editing stuff (The youth meeting is a new thing starting this academic year. Friday evening is based on reality so like in a Big Brother kinda stylee we're going to have a diary room on the way into the meeting)

The original plan was that our friend would be hanging out with her folks that Friday night and so again wasn't a problem.

However it all got changed this morning so that we (me and two friends) could go up and go clubbing in Sheffield on the Friday then stay over and do stuff Saturday and then me and two friends can drive back to Bedford for me to be at the concert at 6ish and I thought thats okay I can go with the plans still because it doesnt clash except it all does and I have massive dilemmas in front of me.

Now I have no idea what to do - the video thing is cool because i can do filming and editing and add another string to my bow, but I said that I would give LB a lift to Mansfield so now she's like stranded and can only go up Saturday morning which stuffs up the plans.

I don't want to let our friend down but then I also don't want to let CJ down. I am working on a solution but I'm not sure how viable it will be.

I feel all like knotted up inside because I'm being dragged like 4 different directions and as much as I try and straighten stuff out and untangle the knots I get in more of a tangle.

Monday, 18 August 2008


This was from last year but we sang this one this year as well!

Healer - Hillsong

This is the video I was talking about 

This is the story behind the song:

Sunday, 17 August 2008

Take Two

I miss you soooo much!!!!!

So here is a run down of this week and you will see why I might need Kleenex permantly on my person!


Molto-stress day! Chris as per usual left a lot of things to the last minute which meant that he got wound up about stuff and I wasn't helping matters because I was tired and excited all at the same time!

We got to church and packed the bus and the last bits in the car so we were ready to go. The Gibb (Associate Pastor with Pastor Mow Mow) prayed over us like a commissioning
prayer about how we would learn things and comes back knowing things that we didn't know and stuff like that. We then got on the bus and in the car and headed off - I had to follow the bus as I had instructions but couldn't actually read them at the same time as driving We stopped for lunch at a Sainsbury's somewhere before Swindon. I know that because it was just about 10 minutes before we ended up on one of the worst roundabouts in the UK. It's called The Magic Roundabout.

(Things had been tense up to this point as Chris kept putting the phone down on me or completely ignoring the calls - I was in the car on my own, Radio 1 was having like a dance day and played dance music - and because of Chris's most recent clear out of the car I had one CD in the front and the rest were in the back of the car somewhere I couldn't reach on my own.) I was ready to leave Sainsbury's and I followed the mini-bus out of the car park and to carry on the journey - we got to a normal roundabout and I knew which exit we needed however Caroline didn't as Chris wasn't navigating very well. So I took the right exit but Chris and Caroline went round an extra few times. However we then ended up at the Magic Roundabout.

It's nothing to do with Dougall thats for sure lol. I don't know if you've heard of it before but it has 5 mini roundabouts and because of it's design the middle "roundabout" actually has traffic going Anti-Clockwise rather than clockwise like a normal roundabout - it wasn't too hard to navigate once we knew where we were heading and which route to take across it. All I can say is good luck to anyone who ends up that on their driving test.

Just before the roundabout I had well and truly had enough of Chris being mean to me and putting the phone down on me so I decided that I wanted to go home. I wasn't going to spend all week having Chris be mean to me.

So I have taken to using my Mum's laptop to try and get some of this post done - my poor iphone is having a bit of a strop and can't keep up - it keeps crashing out on me and the battery is about to die for like the third time in about the same number of days - partly because of lack of charging facilities.

I would continue by each day by day but I am a little squiffy on what happened each day so I will have to come back to that at some point.

Does friendship really work???
I think it depends if both sides what the friendship to work. Also on what terms the relationship ends.

It won't be lonely I will sort something - whether I come up for a weekend and only see you for a couple of hours around work - I can go window shop in Mansfield and play on my Mac if its ok to use the connection - I can go take photos or something lol basically entertain myself.

Why can't you go back to uni what happened? Where were you going?

Love - it causes the most happiness and the most pain. One of the talks at Soul Survivor would have been good for you to hear - I know at the moment it might have hurt but in the end I think it would have been right for you to hear - It was broadcasted on God TV on Wednesday - Mum recorded it to Sky + So I will try and get it on a DVD and send it to you - Please try and watch it if you get chance.

I wish i could write something happy like the last post i wrote but to be honest i cant lie to you!

I'd rather than you vented and felt better than pretended to be okay. Caroline tells me off for saying that I am ok when I am really not at all.

Hehe I like the fact that you blogged about Rebecca as I must have been texting you about her! As soon as Mum heard that she was from Mansfield, she thought that you would have some kinda of link to her. Dad just walked past and made some silly comment about the fact that our blog is called the Adventures of Kewey and Smithey!!!! lol

Anyhoo I am going to have my Apple Pie while it's warm

Big hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.s. Do you know where Paula came in the Marathon - if she did run in the end!

Saturday, 16 August 2008

You are a beautiful Princess

Sweetie!!! I am so sorry that I wasn't there for you!!! I had my phone charged up as much as possible - I would have found a power socket on site and sat there to talk to you.

Me and Dad have been hangin out (I'm now sat in the door way with my phone plugged into the wall so that I can write this post!)

You are welcome at my house anytime just let me know you are on the way and I will get you from the train station or bus station. Let me know you are on your way and I'll get the sofa bed ready or you.

If he doesn't want you it's his lost and mr semi-rights gain!

Proverbs 4:23 - Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Ok so so it's not saying put up a 10ft high fence and barbed wired. I need to get back to you with a better explanation of what I mean but my notes are in the car and at home.

I know you are in pain sweetie but I want you to know this. God loves you. He made you an amazing beatiful Princess! (Hence the title)

I'm sorry it's a short post but having slept in a tent for a week I keep seizing up mainly down my legs.

I love you girlie!!! I have so much to tell you about soul survivor but I can't A the moment.

Han =D

dark times

Hey you

How much do i wish i was with you and caring people right now.... I feel lonely and lost! I'm hurting probably more than i ever have both physically and emotionally.

Sarge and me are a definate no more. it all came to a certain close on wednesday and i cant help but feel used. What a great holiday and time we had together for it to be basically thrown right back in my face.

I know that this is probably emotionally charged and might not mean much when i calm down but i really have to vent!

I dont really want to verbally talk about it coz i know i will just blub and not say what i want to say. I'm a wreck!

I still love him and told him exactly what i felt. He said he wasnt interested!

He's not really done anything wrong but now my closest friends here arent happy with him because they all saw us as working well.... then it now looks like he's lead me on apparently.

I cried in front of him and now i feel weak!

I dont think he knows how upset he's left me beacause i tried to stay strong.

Does friendship really work??? I hope so. I feel like he's gonna disappear now. Is that a bad thing?

I dont think i've been this low ever! i've never been in love like this before... to want someone back after everything and all this time?! It hurts that i told him i wanted him back. He was emotionless! I let my barrier down.

I've not got a proper job here anymore, just the pub. No really close friends like you here and possibly the loneliest birthday ever coming up! I just want to get away but i know it's not simple like that. I dont even have my own car to achieve an escape! Money isnt an issue yet as i worked a lot and saved a lot but i should have been going back to uni this year which i cant even do!

Tonight its hit me. i was out at the pub (driving so no alcohol involved in this) and something one of my friends said has just completely set me off. she was on about her daughter getting over her ex. It hit me that over a year on i've not moved on at all! even miu was probably me trying to trick myself and then i realised it wasnt right. Why do i love sarge to the point of making myself feel like this? I have no idea but it's ripping me to shreds! I havent told anyone in the family yet because i know how certain people will feel and i dont think it's fair on them. especially as they covered expences of the holiday!

I wish i could write something happy like the last post i wrote but to be honest i cant lie to you! i cant pretend to be happy for the sake of saying what i want you to hear because that would make me a liar! I wish i could be all positive and happy and bubbly but i feel negative, sad and popped! See if he had done something wrong i would actually probably feel better because there would be a reason but there is no reason and i cant fathom it!

Please please dont worry about me because I am using my acting skills here and no1 thinks different so i got some success in that at least!
As i said before this is probably too emotionally charged and very likely doesnt mean much but sometime i just gotta get stuff out and this is easier than talking... talking sometimes makes it harder because i cant go back and read it to answer my questions.

I've rambled on and i'm exhausted now so i'm gonna put my very sore and swollen ankle up and watch the olympics, Local girl rebecca adlington is set to make me smile when she wins a medal for her swim and today looks good for medals so i can lose myself in sport for now and just hope i can try to unravel this stupid mess in my head.

Love ya. and miss you more than any letters could spell out.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kewey out.x

Sunday, 10 August 2008

GOODNESS! 3weeks!

Hello you!

3 weeks is far too long... sorry!

Well for the record, you dont have bad BO or anythin.... i just had a busy last week followed by a no signal holiday!

I'm back from Cornwall now which i had v mixed feelings about... I loved being away and sarge was exceptionally good company which i found strange as theres still nothing going on between us!

Day 1 was strange. we set off from stoke on trent at 5am and didnt arrive at the place until 1pm..... there was a v v nasty accident which left us stopped on the motorway... it took us about 7 hours if you dont count the services stops. Bex n si set off an hour after us and it took them 11 hours to get there. Sarge and I got there before mum n dad (and before we could book in) so we got the map out and looked for the nearest beach! Praa Sands was about 10mins from where we were staying so we went and had fish n chips there. It was sooooooo hot and i got a slight tan just driving down... We met mum n dad at 3 back at the holiday place. Scott and I reserved our room and unpacked before going to check out the swimming pool.

After the first day we didnt get too much sunshine... i think it was 5 days in total of sunshine. It was still hot though and we only had one day of cold despite the rain which filled every other day lol.

I'm not going to bore you with the details of the whole 2 weeks but i think we all really really enjoyed it. I wish i was still there to be honest. I felt different to how i feel when i'm here and just a lot more free!

Highlights were: RNAS Culdrose air day, Lands End air day, days on the beach, star gazing with scott (which was so so so beautiful)! Newquay Rip Curl Board Masters. Radio one live from Newquay (scott and i didnt actually get to go into the radio one bit but we did see it from the road and then went and listened to it on the beach).

Anyways, you'll have to fill me in on your S.S trip when you get back

Muchly love.


Friday, 8 August 2008

I jump up and down and say I agree!!!!

Read this post please

It's about the film Tropic Thunder but its also about Special Needs.

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Smithey sized car

How is this for a car it runs on the engine of a 50 cc moped and its about 50 inches long by 41 wide! It's that light you could wheel it into work and park it in the corner! 

It was on Top Gear: The Best of..... They got Jeremy Clarkson to drive it - yes they got the tallest of the presenters to drive the smallest car!!!! 

At one point Jeremy Clarkson was at a set of traffic lights outside BBC Television Centre and Dermot Murnaghan ran up behind him and grabbed the handle on the back door and turned the car round with Clarkson in it!!!!! 

I thought you'd appreciate this as it's kinda random. 

How you doing?

M and e equals ME!


Did you know it's been nearly three weeks since we spoke and I'm beginning to think I should see a doctor maybe I have like super bad BO or something lol.

So in the last three weeks we had the river festival, Owen and Sam's Baptism, Issie's dedication and the Hope React funday.

I have also had tonsilitis and tripped over the back of the minibus giving me bruises that looked like Chris was beating me up. Which he most definately isn't!

It was Chris's birthday yesterday and we went out for tea.

I have to go now as it's half 12 but please reply i've missed you.

Han :D

Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Smile of the Day

From Aunty Ali

A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning. One woman lost it completely.

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried. Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest. She gasped...

Then, he spoke... 'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.'

Monday, 28 July 2008


Hello? Are you there?

Can you believe I haven't spoken to you in person for nearly like 3 weeks!!!!!!!!!

Whats happening? Whats going on girlie? Did anything happen with Sarge?

Missing you!!!!!

Thursday, 10 July 2008

2..0...0.... posts

Ok so this is technically 201 posts I think but we have hit two hundred posts!!!!

So details how is it going with Sarge? Anything new or different?!?!?! Are you reading Hamster's book?

I'm in the process of trying to install the new iPhone software but it's really annoying lol taken like three attempts at a download lol. First time was my fault as i was trying to download itunes for a 64-bit not a 32-bit computer lol.

I wish you could be down here its the River Festival this weekend and it's going to be so much fun!!!

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

Tuesday 2nd July

Can you believe that 20 years ago today my brother was born to this world? And his been making a mess since!!!!He was born at 12:45am according to Mum (so I texted him at that time to wish him happy birthday - he replied at 6:18am - we don't purposefully ignore each other it just happens I'm sure.

Monday, 30 June 2008


Oops I posted my picture but didn't give an explanation! Kewey the people who now live in your old student house have put up a fence so that they have a little garden area thing going on. I took this picture while sat in the car park waiting for Mum. Mr Landlord has changed half the shop into a chippy - it's quite nice but we went in like the opening week and there wasn't as much of a range as there is at like Denmark St or Andy's

Friday, 20 June 2008

Songs - Smithey's Answers

1 A song under two minutes
Anyone Else But You by Michael Cera and Ellen Page (From Juno)

2 A song with a form of transportation in the title
JCB Song by Nizlopi

3 A song with some form of punctuation in the title
Help! by The Beatles

4 A song that mentions a country other than your own
America by Razorlight

5 A song that mentions time in some way
7 Seconds by Youssof D’Nour and Neneh Cherry

6 A song about wealth and/or privilege
Money from Caberet

7 A song about poverty/lower economic status
Do They Know It’s Christmas by Band Aid 20

8 A song that contains bad grammar (whichever language you choose)

9 Any artist’s first hit
I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker by Sandi Thom

10 A song you like in a genre you don’t
Tilt Ya Head by Nelly and Christina Aquilera

11 A track from a comedic actor’s/singer’s CD
The Ballad of Freda and Barry By Victoria Wood

12 Song with one of the four elements in its title in some form
Walkin’ On Sunshine by Katrina and The Waves

13 A song that tells a story
The Saga Begins by Weird Al Yankovic (Star Wars to the tune of American Pie)

14 A song from your favourite movie
Thriller by Michael Jackson (13 Going on 30) or May It Be by Enya (LOTR)

15 A dark song (your interpretation)
When The Lights Go Out by 5ive

16 A song about a cause that’s special to you

17 A song written for one genre that is translated to another
Frontin’ by Jamie Cullum (Originally N.E.R.D)

18 An Irish drinking song

19 A song about work
9 to 5 by Dolly Parton

20 A song that mentions some cosmic entity (moon, star, comet, etc)
Life on Mars by Sandi Thom (Cover of the Bowie Classic)

21 A song over five minutes

22 Song that mentions one of the US states
Dani California by Red Hot Chilli Peppers

23. Song that mentions a month
November Rain by Guns N Roses

24. Song that mentions distance in some way, vaguely or specifically
Get Here by Oleta Adams

25. Song mentioning royalty of some kind, real or not (eg. “Queen of Memphis”)
Punk Rock Princess by Something Corporate

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Musical Scavenger Hunt

Ok so there are 25 categories but you only need to complete 15 - I will post my responses in a few minutes I'm working on it at the moment.

1 A song under two minutes
2 A song with a form of transportation in the title
3 A song with some form of punctuation in the title
4 A song that mentions a country other than your own
5 A song that mentions time in some way
6 A song about wealth and/or privilege
7 A song about poverty/lower economic status
8 A song that contains bad grammar (whichever language you choose)
9 Any artist’s first hit
10 A song you like in a genre you don’t
11 A track from a comedic actor’s/singer’s CD
12 Song with one of the four elements in its title in some form
13 A song that tells a story
14 A song from your favourite movie
15 A dark song (your interpretation)
16 A song about a cause that’s special to you
17 A song written for one genre that is translated to another
18 An Irish drinking song
19 A song about work
20 A song that mentions some cosmic entity (moon, star, comet, etc)
21 A song over five minutes
22 Song that mentions one of the US states
23 Song that mentions a month
24 Song that mentions distance in some way, vaguely or specifically (near/far, etc)
25 Song mentioning royalty of some kind, real or not (eg. “Queen of Memphis”)

Friday, 13 June 2008

I've come to suck your blood

Ok so I haven't hehe.

I'm attempting to give blood
If they get round to me - come on people bleed a little quicker. I'm
running out of battery and reading book. I can read 1984 online but
they might get annoyed because of the mobile signal.

There aren't signs that say switch them off - I think its more a
consideration think to everyone else. Its possible they are ignoring
me actually.

If you've signed in and they get to closing time do they kick you out?
This is the first time I've been able to come around work since like
November last year when I started at Star.

Anyhoo going back to my book while contemplating whether to chance it
and go to the little girlies room.


I've got it!

So Sarge is Sarge so other can be Miu - used to be paramedic makes him a Man in Uniform hehe!

Ok so I have like serious issues at the moment. Having had another migraine on Sunday I decided something had to be done - I was at the end of a pack anyway so I stopped taking them - so i've been over the place the last few days - I felt miles happier on Wednesday - both because me and Mum had a chat about her hospital stuff and she said that the Doctor has already confirmed that it won't be the C word as it would have shown up on her X-Ray. (Something would have also shown in her blood test)

Then yesterday I was completely the opposite - one little thing happened that shouldn't have bothered me but it did and it sent me off the high board almost - I cried for like an hour and poor Mrs Mow Mow took the brunt of it!

Today I feel more happier but half asleep. I am struggling to concentrate so hopefully post lunch my brain will kick in.

Is that a skirt I see before me???

Yes on Tuesday I wore a skirt to work SHOCK!!!!

Then I tried to take my self portrait this was the best shot. Lol

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

The 6 letter word starting with C is BANNED


This was gonna be a happy post but I am worrying myself into a little knot.

Mum still isn't probably better from Christmas ish time and after that when they said she had pneumonia. She was on kick butt antibitoics and i think they worked a little bit.

Mum went to see a Doctor at the hospital who made her have a CT Scan (I think or an MRI) and now she's having a Broncoscopy (they're going to stick a camera down her windpipe into her lung and see whats going on in there).

I'm so scared that they might find something bad like a tumour. I have a self induced headache now from getting myself wound up, been crying and sniffling. It's 20 past 11 and I want to go and give my Mum a hug and tell her how much I love her (I sent her an email but I doubt she'll get it till like tomorrow morning/afternoon as they had a power cut and then she's got college tomorrow.

Are you coming down for Amy's Wedding? She's trying to get numbers at the moment for catering etc I guess

Monday, 9 June 2008

Monday again

So I missed out on most of my weekend. On Saturday we had the music workshop where I shone amazingly as a new bassist (5 and a bit weeks paid off!!)

I felt a little ill when I got home but decided that I was tired and would be ok in the morning. I got up and went to church Sunday morning, I didnt feel 100% but thought I was ok - I picked up Abster and swang her round and felt really light headed. So I put her down and went home from church.

I went home and curled up in front of the telly till Chris came home. I then had lunch and went to bed. I slept near enough 1pm through to 8pm minus the odd waking up minutes then pottered about for about an hour but my head was thumping so I got back into bed and just chilled then went back to sleep till 11:30 when Chris came to bed.

Thankfully I feel better today.


Thursday, 5 June 2008

I am a published photographer

My photos are in the hope newsletter!! Woohoo!


What about just being friends? I know people who have been friends longer than they've been an item. Me and Chris were friends for like 5 years before we started going out. That was for the second time buts that because it didn't work the first time round, we were 14 and 15 i think and getting the bus to Godmanchester on my own seemed really daunting. (Especially as it wasn't a direct bus you had to go to Huntingdon or St Neots and then get another bus to Godmanchester.)

I don't mind being the geek of the office but I think Steve has been singing my praises to the guys in the States about how good I am at computers. I'm not really - if Chris came in I'd be rubbish compared to him lol. ARGH! Oh well my "expertise" covers most of the stuff that happens - if it doesn't I call Dan who is in Rochester.

I have to go but i will write again later when my computer stops being slow.

Wednesday, 4 June 2008


Hey u

Go you on getting the keys!

I've just got back from centre parcs. Not stayed there but went on monday night and this eve just to sort some stuff out for my mum.

I've got arm ache from carrying stuff.

Tim's slightly doing my head in which is not good! he's lovely but theres not really an attraction there which he's a bit upset about me thinks.

time with scott was good although we didnt really see that much of each other.

Band's been cancelled tonight but dunno why.

Loads of love

Kewey out.x

Ooh pretty

My very own office key! I'm Reading over the fine print in my contract
then signing it. I will officially be a permanent Sentry member of
staff woohoo.

Monday, 2 June 2008

Hey look!

So might not be seen from front on but the backs of our heads made it to the outake reel of the Joseph production! There's also a whole bit about Aaron and my brother and how they kept winding each other up. (All the time!)

Saturday, 31 May 2008

Why are Boys so Awkward or Chris at least?!?!?

So today is Clare's and Ossie's Wedding. Chris has known this since we
got the invite if not before that. (possibly about January that's when
mum be Clare went looking at dresses.

I say to him he's got to do this one thing in the week rather than
during the weekend and when are we doing it - Saturday morning!!!!!!

So much for trying to help me out. Anyway so I'm sat outside no90
waiting for Chris to print off a back statement to go and try and sort
an exchange or refund. Hopefully one will work lol.

I made a decision what I was going to wear and so painted my nails so
they were blue like the top I was going to wear then decided that as
the jewellery mum lent me was pink to go with the other top I should
wear the pink - so I do look a little random lol. I'm also wearing
pinstripe trousers to make me look taller and I'm going to wear high
heels possibly.

Its 5 past 11 now and we're running out of time again. Why has
everything got to be last minute?

Friday, 30 May 2008

I was bored

I was bored in my lunch break so decided I would take a random photo
as part of 101 things in 1001 days.

So by the 24th February 2011 I will have taken (not neccesarily
blogged) a photo a day.

I've just been to sainsburys and bought the autobiography of the
indestructible Richard hamster Hammond (yes borrowage is allowed after)

Still in two mindsabout Amy's wedding decided that I'll come and keep
you company.


Ps I think yesterday was like a little downer day - I think I'm ok

Thursday, 29 May 2008


So I don't mind being a geek but I'm beginning to seriously dislike
that side of me.

People will discuss something at work and I'll come out with some
piece of information which answers the question but either makes me
look like a brown-noser or a big brain.

Will write more later.

Love ya!

Just in case

On the american website for work they have a blog and post random videos and adverts and stuff that are relevant. This one was sent round today.

At the end its like - so just in case you want to keep your hard drive in your fish tank! The hard drives also make an appearance in an episode of NCIS.


Sorry that it's taken me so long to write here. I've just read up on the latest happenings... congratulations on being a godmummie!

I'm currently sitting in bed after having a big tidy up in my bedroom.... it was well overdue!

I really miss you lot (uni lot)... i actually really really miss being at uni, the nights out, the nights in, the random trips, my old house mates (and honourary house mates), dave singing before going to karaoke. hehe, happy days!

so, what can i say... quite a bit has been happenin here. I've seen more of Tim (got to think of a nickname for him)we went out the other week for a picnic (when it was scorching hot), i think i may have blogged about that though. He's being so so nice to me that i'm feeling almost bad. He's really really funny and has such a kind heart. very caring. I dont think i am particularly attracted to him physically which hasnt bothered me that much in the past but maybe thats why past relationships havent worked! i dunno... i need someone to shake something into me so i know what to do lol. I stayed at his house 2 weeks ago (not planned - i was driving and by the time we got back from having a meal i was feeling really rough and just needed to sleep so i called home and dad said that i was being sensible staying) he fetched me a beechams first thing in the morning so i would feel ok for driving home. Last tuesday he came and took me to the pics. we saw what happens in vegas... v funny! Actually, he payed for dinner so i insisted on paying for cinema. On sunday, after work, i went to his. We met up with some of his friends for foodage and then went home to watch st trinians on dvd. We were both really poorly that night (think it was the chicken we had eated out)... thought we would have to cancel twycross on monday but we both took the family supply of imodium plus between us... needed to get rid of the stomach cramps coz i was in so so much pain. We went to teycross and the rain held off! i got loads of photos. Tim did something really sweet when we were there (just to get you in the know before i carry on, Tim used to be stationed at the zoo when he did his ambulance stuff... he was kinda like resident medic... he used to walk round and obviously knew ppl that worked there including molly and nathalie who owned it... anyway, he became really really fond of a gorrilla called Joe, he used to spend hours and hours with Joe when he wasnt looking after poorly peeps) we went round and eventually got to Joe, i was croutching on the floor and Joe was right up next to me against the glass... Tim was stood up behind me and was doing like a kiss action (i didnt know), the next thing Joe kissed at me... I went all girlie and was well chuffed, turned round to tell tim, he put his thumb up and smiled at me... i was like "you just did that didnt you" and he was like "nooooooo what makes u think that" laughing! I just thought it was so sweet. There were other little communication things that he did throughout the trip that the keepers apparently do. I had such a good time that i stayed at his house on monday night too... came home early tuesday morning coz he had work and i had already made plans to take grandma out.... Something i also learned about tim was that he is a christian from a very christian background!!!!! his mum and dad go to church every sunday (his dad twice).

Bex n Si have a new house! it's an absolute bargain and really made me think that if i was with someone i would get myself on the property ladder!
Bruv has moved into his new place so is now free from trixibelle! Just me to flee the nest now!

My uncle came round today and was chatting to mum n dad... i went downstairs just as he came off the phone to his son. He had tears in his eyes so i asked if he was ok. He said he was fine, he's gonna be a grandad! matt had phoned him on the way home from hospital and matts wife, kat is having a baby. She'd gone in coz she hadnt been feeling too well and is usually very well... a happy suprise for them both.

OK, now i want you to brace yourself..

I'M COMING TO BEDFORD ON SUNDAY!!!!!!!! i was going to suprise you and come on saturday but i have been called to work on saturday coz i booked sunday off (it's bedford games). Sarge is driving us down on sunday morning and then bringing me home, stayig here sunday night and then taking me to work on monday coz mum's going away on monday. Hopefully we will be able to meet up at some point on sunday. I will be at the athletics stadium. I dont know what the plans are yet coz i have to rely on sarge. If you already have plans, dont worry because it is last minute. I have a couple of gifts for you and i will bring them.

I'd better get me some sleep now though, have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.

Night night godbless.xxxxxxxxxx

kewey out.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx